What can families do to help an alcoholic or addict?
As someone working in a drug and alcohol treatment centre and on the front line for admissions, I more often deal with family who want to get a family member well than directly with the individual themselves. As you can imagine, most are desperately worried, some are upset, and some are angry. Generally family members cannot understand why the addict / alcoholic cannot just stop using and drinking (or drink normally). They usually still love the addict / alcoholic but have come to the end of their tether in terms of tolerating their behaviour.
Family intervention
If you are reading this, it may be that you have someone you love in your family that you are worried about. It may not have got to the point where you think they need rehab help. You may just be concerned that they are drinking more than they should and it is escalating. Or you may not like their drug using or use of medication and how that makes their moods and behaviours.
One of the first things I would ask you is: Does the individual want help to stop or are they quite happy with their drinking / using? If they are, it is probably too soon to get them into rehab. They have to want the help and be willing to accept it. However, you as part of their family have an important role to play in order to get them to that point.
Facing the consequences
If you continue to accept their drinking / using and there are no consequences, then they will carry on doing it. You may even be part of the problem if you buy alcohol for them. Or drink with them or use drugs with them. You can help them to reach the so called ‘rock bottom’ by saying what you will and will not put up with. And ensuring that there are consequences if your boundaries are not met. That said, there is no point in putting in place consequences that you cannot see through. So do not say ‘I will leave you if you carry on’ if you do not intend to do it.
As soon as the consequence is not carried through it all becomes an empty threat. You may need to put in some quite draconian measures. Such as by restricting their access to finance, informing other people who they care about about the behaviour to enlist their help / put in place further consequences. You should certainly not have alcohol or drugs in your home.
If they fight back and get angry then again you should keep to your consequences. You need to stay firm. They may cajole and beg for alcohol or drugs. Again do not give in. It is only when there are unpleasant consequences that the alcoholic / addict you care about will be ready to get the help they need. Possibly saving their lives – and at the very least allowing your family to possibly stay intact.
Family can have a major role in helping the recovery of an addict.
